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Season or color? What's in a name? My given name is Autumn . And although I didn't automatically like having a unique name as a child, by my 20's I grew to love my name. I embraced being different, knowing that if my name was said in a crowd, there wouldn't be 10 other people turning their head. I grew to understand symbolism held within the name of Autumn. A season of change and transition. A time where gentle warmth and crisp cool air can live side by side. A space where colors, leaves, and the air have a feeling to them that softens space from the harsh intensity of summer and before the frigid winter sets in. Autumn is a space of unassuming beauty that radiates from within and shines on its own, not bothered by the passage of time or anticipation of all there is to do in the summer. Autumn allows life to ease into a calm rhythm. A sun basked morning that gently wakes the soul, a warmth to the day, and a cool breeze in the evening that invites people to enjoy a cup of warm tea or pull on a sweater and enjoy lingering for a moment longer. And yet, autumn is also fleeting and temporary. It can stay for a while, or change quickly, leaving one longing for more gentleness. I know I am biased because of my name, but autumn is my favorite season, and inspires me to live my life worthy of the season I bear witness to by existing. And yet, the universe seems to have embraced the side of me that loves a mystery and a good laugh, and has played the long game of a joke on me. For the better part of the last 20 years, in nearly every setting of my life, I have been called Amber. At first, I would correct people, simply thinking they didn't know me well yet, and two unique names that start with A must be the reason for the mix up. But then it continued. Email replies calling me Amber after I introduced myself, had my name in the email address, introduction, and signature; people in the deaf community, after I finger-spelled my name; individuals over the phone who had not seen me before; through text message; in large groups and small. I have been called Amber in multiple countries, in multiple communication methods, for 20 years. Even this past month, and again today, I was called amber, prompting this post. Those first few times, so many years ago, I was a little annoyed at being called amber, but then I found it amusing. Like I was part of a cosmic joke and the universe feels that my name should be different. Then I became curious. What does Amber mean in the universe? What is the origin of the word itself? What symbolism has the gem held over the centuries that perhaps is part of my story? These questions led me to pour over various websites, from jewelry stores to spiritual and New Age sites, and back again to stories of civilizations in antiquity. A story began to emerge. Amber is ancient and has been revered by humanity for millennia. It is the fossilized resin from trees. Occasionally life has been encapsulated within the resin, such as bugs or hair. Amber is most frequently found in hues of orange, yellow, or red, although it has been found in around 300 different colors across the globe. Amber has been mentioned in literature as far back as Homer's Odyssey and worn by or filled the homes of royalty such as Cleopatra and the last Czar of Russia. Across civilization, amber has been believed to embody the essence of life due to its origins from trees as well as the binding property that holds living things and symbolically holds the elements of earth, air, water, and fire together. Spiritually, amber is believed to contain healing elements that cleanse negative emotions, relieve pain, open the chakras, and bring balance between creation and destruction. Linguistically, the English version of amber derived from Middle English, ambre, which derived from Medieval Latin, ambra, which derived from Arabic anbar ambergris. In light of my latest endeavor to dive into learning Arabic, learning that amber can trace its roots to Arabic is a pocket of joy in itself. In reading through these sources, I do not claim that others are saying I embody these qualities, but they do give me cause to reflect. Is the universe saying that some of these attributes are found within me, or do I need to develop more of these characteristics and bring more amber into my life? Perhaps it is time to embrace the historical thread of amber's message across the centuries and allow the healing and balancing energy to dispel any negative vestiges that have been present in my life over the past 20 years, and move into a new era of creation, healing, life, and open the chakras within me. Sources: https://www.gemsociety.org/article/history-legend-amber-gems-yore/ https://crystal-shop.co/amber-meaning-properties/ (there are many more that I didn't track the site or source on, rather absorbed info while looking for patterns and themes over the course of months and years).

Drumbeat rhythms expand to fill the room and my insides simultaneously, causing my shoulders to shimmy as a cascade of movement spreads through my body. Instinctively, my hand clutches my chest, eyes close, nose wrinkles, the overwhelming sense of amazement and fear of absorbing and losing the grasp of infinite presence fill my cells. A rush of warmth fills my throat to my eyes and tears well behind my lids. I want to hold onto the feeling and soak it all in for as long as possible.   Moroccan performers, clothed in traditional styles, including red djellebah (similar to a dress or robe) with white qndrissi (aladdin style pants), slippers, and Fez (pillbox style hat) wind their way towards our table, filling the air with drums and song in call and response style. Performance art invites audience participation in a dynamic personal engagement. Electric energy cracks in the air and my body is propelled to stand. Following the lead of the head performer, I clap, twist, turn, and enjoy dance, fully immersed in the moment. I cannot contain the smile the spreads from my lips to eyes and joy erupts from my body. What I thought would be an introductory dinner for our study abroad group to experience Moroccan cuisine became so much more. Music, juices, delicious tajine تجين, dance, intricate architecture, and colorful decorations tickle and delight the senses, and I am mesmerized.   The evening was sweeter after a challenging few weeks prior to traveling to Morocco. Obstacle after obstacle had me doubting at every turn whether I should attend the trip. From a cancelled language class to multiple accidents for several family members, and delayed flights, I questioned what this trip would mean. Ultimately, I decided to honor my original “YES” to the experience, and this welcome dinner set the stage for the weeks to come.

Have you ever woke up, looked around, and realized that your life has become that of a recluse? Well, that has been this summer for me. After spending the winter in Rome, exploring the city by walking for hours every day, followed by shorter visits to Turkey and Scotland, I came home, and stayed home. The transition was gradual over the spring. Upon coming back, my weekly schedule altered between classes on campus with a 2 hour round trip commute and long work days from home. In the midst of the quarter, my adult children found apartments nearby and moved out, which is exciting, but led to an empty condo. Classes ended for the quarter, eliminating a regular commute and forced outside interactions. The cycle of the week became one that looked closer to pandemic days than 2024. Yet, when we were in the thick of the pandemic lockdown, I did not have the security nor position to work remote, and so those days were spent hustling several jobs to make ends meet. As days blurred other than what the calendar said, I found myself leaving the house less and less. I wish I could say I intentionally chose this season to sit back and soak it all in. Emotions and self talk decided this was their time to rise to the surface. This caused tears to flow on occasion, words to be written in reflection, and some mindless scrolling to supress the emotions that I didn't want to face. One realization I had during this time is that I have been living in a state of high activity as a survival technique for the better part of the last decade. And every single summer for at least the past decade has had a major life change occur - from sabbatical to Haiti (take that statement in for a minute), divorce, working 3 jobs, traveling to several countries, the pandemic, moving across the country, grieving the loss of my father, car camping Hwy 101 along the Pacific Coast, training to run an intense trail race in Canada, fishing with my son in Alaska, to my adult children moving in after their cross country move. That is a decade of massive change - exciting and devastating. The full range of emotions and experiences have happened over these last years.   Back to the present. This summer has been gloriously dull. At times I’ve beat myself up for that, for not being more active in my community, or creating an adventurous summer. And then I decided to embrace this season of quiet. A season to enjoy tasty cappuccinos made in my Italian moka pot, watch Arabic shows and movies that expose me to a new culture in a fun way, and research several rabbit holes of interest to see what the next pursuit might be. There is always something on the horizon, though for this season I am keeping most of the that close to the chest.   With that, I am ready to dive back into writing. There will be continued blog posts consisting of reflections and upcoming adventures, though I also intend to dip my toes into more long form journalistic style writing. I think this will allow a space to develop my writing skills while combining interests, adventures, and research skills learned while in university. More soon...